It’s that nagging feeling that you will never achieve the relationship you want with him.
It’s that heart wrenching realization that the love you feel for him will never equal to what he feels for you.
It’s sleepless nights spent thinking about the lack of communication, which you wish you could blame on him.
It’s the fiery thoughts of turning away from him, and the panicked feeling of your life without him.
—–
Some thoughts zipping through my mind. This walk is weird, but I would not give it up for all the comfort in the world.
Yes, time does keep slipping into the future. I claim this as the reason that I have not updated in a month. But on with it.
This semester has been the busiest of my life, but I am loving every minute of the B.Ed. program here at UNB. Working with youth is certainly a passion of mine, and I see that teaching will be the outlet for it. Someone please remind me of this in 2 years when I am ready to strangle the little darlings.
It is a chilly pre-winter evening out, and the Christmas lights are on in the living room as I type this. I love Christmas. No, really, I love Christmas. You aren’t taking me seriously enough about this issue. You will see… just wait for a Christmas theme on this blog! I warned you!
Here’s a beautiful song from two beautiful Swedish sisters known as First Aid Kit. They have inspired me to take up a new pet project… more to come on that soon
I would very much appreciate your feedback on anything you see or hear here.
I have been browsing through some old blog posts of mine, some from as far back as 2005. I have decided that I no longer know how to share my emotions with people, and I guess that doesn’t feel good. I feel… stunted in some ways. Being here at Wycliffe has helped me out with that a bit, but I still feel emotionally stunted these days. Which, I sometimes think, may have something to do with the depression I have been dealing with over the past year or so.
Anyway, I won’t dwell on bad things. I will post these two pieces that I wrote back in June of 2005, and posted on my blog in December of ’05 originally. The first half of the first piece seems to sum up where I am right now. The second one is where I am on a rare day. Hope you enjoy them. Tell me what you feel about them. Share your emotions with me!
You call and I hear You, I turn away.
You reach out your familiar hand, I recoil.
I yearn to come closer, to be with You, yet I am afraid.
Your eyes are full of love and grace, but all my cloudy eyes can see is judgement.
I am lost in a dense cloud, lost at sea for years.
Suddenly a light breaks through, a light that is purer than any I have seen before.
The light is reflected in the tears streaming down my face,
tears of joy at the redemption seen at the cross.
Again you call and reach out; I reach up to You.
You take me up into an embrace, healing and erasing all.
You send me out on your breath, to speak love and healing in Your Name.
———————————————————————————
I feel your presence within me and around me.
You speak to my heart, to the me You created.
I look through new eyes, “spiritual eyes”
I see the hurt and pain in your children.
I drop to my knees in intercession words streaming from my lips.
The stream comes faster and faster
I no longer recognize my own words.
This language does not feed the mind
But my soul is full up with the Lord.
As Christians, we are called to a different economic reality. Once we really discover how to love our neighbour as ourself, capitalism as we see it won’t be possible, and marxism won’t be necessary.
So, an explanation for my recent absence. Two words: final papers.
Life is uber-busy, but I am surviving… barely. This past weekend we had 74 teens come to Wycliffe College to participate in the 30 Hour Famine. Faculty and students from Wycliffe, as well as some leaders from youth groups across the city, led the weekend event. It was a smashing success, and the group raised $10,722.35!!!! Soooo great! It was a fun weekend, and I learned that teens from Toronto are generally the same as teens from New Brunswick. Except the teens here love sushi a lot.
In other news, the countdown is on for my return to New Brunswick. We are at 13 sleeps! Yeah, I am pumped! Could you tell? 3 papers and one week-long intensive class, then I am home home home for the summer. I can feel the sun on my face and the breeze rolling across my skin as I lay in the field at Camp Medley.
In keeping with my promise to add a little something to watch or listen to with each post, I have an awesome song for you folks this post. The Constantines and Feist doing a cover of Islands In the Stream, originally done by Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers.
Perez Hilton is hosting the song on his site, and to listen just click HERE!
You will not be disappointed.
P.S. – I suppose this now makes it known that I check Perez Hilton. Don’t hold it against me, I just need some celeb gossip and sweet songs every now and then. Sue me!
What a weekend! I have been going non-stop since Thursday, and it is starting to catch up with me.
I flew home to New Brunswick on Thursday evening. Interviews for positions at Camp Medley were held this weekend, so it was decided that the assistant director should again be on the interviewing committee. I was happy to do my part. So, I flew into Fredericton Thursday night where I was picked up by Kurt Goddard, Jen Whelly, and Leah Gallant. After dinner at the Dip, and an appearance at Survivor night, I went to Mallory’s to do laundry and then to Kurt’s for sleep.
Interviews started the next day in Fredericton. I had lunch at Swiss Chalet with Kurt, Jen Whelly, and Jen MacMullin, then headed to Synod Office for interviews. We interviewed from 2:00pm until 9:00pm. Then it was off to Micah and Alastair’s apartment for Leah’s French Canadian Birthday Party. Lots of poutine, wine, and cigars. A smashingly wonderful night.
Saturday brought more interviews in Saint John. I was picked up at 7:00am and headed to SJ with Liz, George, and Ann. We interviewed from 8:00am until 5:30pm. Again, a very long day. Then back to Fredericton for coffee with Val Archibald (Hi Val!) and a night of playing cards at Kurt’s place. Also, a brief trip to the new nightclub/McDonald’s restaurant in Fredericton. So bizarre!
Sunday I got to head to CCPC for church, and it was great to see familiar faces from last year. (I miss having a home church, and am looking forward to next year in Toronto when I will have one church to attend for a whole year.) More interviews in the afternoon, and then an hour and a half to deliberate on who was going to get hired. Liz drove me back to SJ Sunday evening, and I got to go out for dinner with my parents and Jill & Bronwyn Atkins. Mmmmm, thai food.
Spent this morning with mom, had lunch with Martha, got my haircut, then it was time to head to the airport to fly back to Toronto. What a weekend! Only 3 more weeks in Toronto, then back to NB for the whole summer. Praise the Lord!
Today I am going to leave you with a video that I found on YouTube, and it is pretty wonderful. Check it out, and then check out Lucy’s other videos at her YouTube page by clicking here!
