I have been browsing through some old blog posts of mine, some from as far back as 2005. I have decided that I no longer know how to share my emotions with people, and I guess that doesn’t feel good. I feel… stunted in some ways. Being here at Wycliffe has helped me out with that a bit, but I still feel emotionally stunted these days. Which, I sometimes think, may have something to do with the depression I have been dealing with over the past year or so.
Anyway, I won’t dwell on bad things. I will post these two pieces that I wrote back in June of 2005, and posted on my blog in December of ’05 originally. The first half of the first piece seems to sum up where I am right now. The second one is where I am on a rare day. Hope you enjoy them. Tell me what you feel about them. Share your emotions with me! 
You call and I hear You, I turn away.
You reach out your familiar hand, I recoil.
I yearn to come closer, to be with You, yet I am afraid.
Your eyes are full of love and grace, but all my cloudy eyes can see is judgement.
I am lost in a dense cloud, lost at sea for years.
Suddenly a light breaks through, a light that is purer than any I have seen before.
The light is reflected in the tears streaming down my face,
tears of joy at the redemption seen at the cross.
Again you call and reach out; I reach up to You.
You take me up into an embrace, healing and erasing all.
You send me out on your breath, to speak love and healing in Your Name.
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I feel your presence within me and around me.
You speak to my heart, to the me You created.
I look through new eyes, “spiritual eyes”
I see the hurt and pain in your children.
I drop to my knees in intercession words streaming from my lips.
The stream comes faster and faster
I no longer recognize my own words.
This language does not feed the mind
But my soul is full up with the Lord.
